extremely busy...

im gonna make this real short... i just woke up, drag myself of the bed, pushing myself into the shower, force myself to get dress *cant be naked to work right?*, need to focus on driving and sleep in the car till 7.30am... LOL!!

i barely have time for myself lately... its almost end of the year and i am extremely busy. dont even have time to rest my head on the desk and nap for 30minutes. im always out of the office, where else the 'authority office'... due to that, i even have to steal a little bit of my own time to write this... God, im exhausted!! anyway, need to clean my room, look at the clock 5.30am!! i dont wanna be late, hate the morning traffic.. chiao bella!! *wink, muaaahhhsss!!* LOL!!

August

emotions...

recently, my feeling is a mixture of everything... sometimes i feel so melancholic, sometimes i feel so free, mix with funny feeling inside, smile when i was thinking about all the happy thoughts, sad with a lil bit of anger...

i used to be a person that full of hates and anger... scolded my siblings, fight with friends, neighbors and everybody... when i grow older, im no longer an angry person, i mellow down and much more relax and calm... one thing that never change, im still selective in friendship, relationship... i never let anyone to easily enter my life, i pick and choose very carefully. i dont make friend to people who are too depending on others i dont make friends to blond with no brain, i dont make friend to people who are bossy and i dont make friend to people that is too lazy, sleeping all day and do nothing...

u will find me not smiling at all to any new staff who join the company, to a new classmate that sit just right next beside me or to my parent's friends who come to my house. if they dont start talking to me, just dont expect me to start the conversation because its not gonna happen...

being picky sometimes does give me an advantage. i dont get to join them gossiping, talking bad about others, involve in the stupid multi level business or wasting my time listening to their pointless talk which normally full of craps, especially from the girls... so sickening...

anyway, my emotions is a bit out of the track recently. glad weekend is just around the corner i need to take some rest, sleep and relax. i'll get better by Monday. sleeping is like a therapy, i will sleep whenever i feel so stress up, tired or depress... when i wake up the next day, everything will be fine. yeah, i will be fine, i know i will... what a relief...

August

losing the love ones...

its pretty tough... i never know it will be so heart breaking and so devastating when u lost the person u love... i learn at a very young age that when u lose someone u love so dearly, it will torn u apart and if you're not strong enough, you might end up losing your mind or maybe even worse...

i lost my mother when i was 9, she was having some difficulties while giving birth to my youngest brother, Soleh... after a week of my mother departure, Soleh follows her and he was place right beside my mother's grave... losing 2 people in less than 2 weeks, i thought im going crazy... the only thing that keeps me going is my mother's last words... i can still hear her tender soft voice, whispering to my ear before the neighbor rushed her to the hospital when she complained having a chest pain and can barely breath...

"look after your brothers and sisters... wait until i come home and dont fight among each other. take care of youself..." she kissed me on my forehead, touch my hand and that was the last time i see her smile... so precious, so vivid, breaks my heart whenever i think of it...

when they brought her body back to my house from the hospital, i just knew she will never smile to me again, never be able to touch me again... she never will come back, i kissed her for the last time before they brought her to the cemetery, her skin was so soft but cold... i cried, even now when im writing this down, i cried...

losing my mother was the biggest lose ever happen to me... i dont care much if somebody come to me crying and whining about losing their boyfriend, husband, kittens, puppies, money and fortune... i dont care much if you think im a cold blooded woman that have no feeling. that feeling has long gone... i will feel sorry if you lost the person you love, but dont expect my to cry with you... i just wont...

August

headache...

feeling slightly under the weather... i feel as if my head is gonna explode, especially the right side. body temperature is quite high, i know my nose gonna bleed soon. recently, the nose bleeding occur quite often... my sister suggested that i consult the doctor about it... but, i refused. apart from the headache and the bleeding nose, i feel just fine... maybe because i dont get enough sleep, too tired or just a normal stress...

i dont think it is something serious... everybody get headache, some with extra package like vomiting or effecting the eyesight, in my case nose bleeding. i will leave the office early today. sleep in the car for a couple of hours would be great... i cant be driving with this headache, i cant even walk properly...

well, have to get back to work... if this headache doesnt go away till tomorrow morning, i will see the doctor and take the medical leave...

August

little angel...

God, my mother called this morning... my sister, Angah who lives in Ipoh, Perak have gave birth to a baby girl... im so excited... both my sister and the baby are doing pretty awesome, both in good condition. i cant wait to see that little angel... according to my brother-in-law, Angah had been having some difficulties during the labor... i am freaking glad she manage to make it through...

i think my parents are going to drive all the from KL to Ipoh tonight... wish i can join them, but i have no more annual leave, like it or not, i have to stay and work and look after the house... *sigh*

well, this is the best news ever for this whole year... im so happy, feel like buying myself a Cadbury chocolate bar and eat it all by myself... LOL!! wonder how that little angel look like...

August