losing the love ones...

its pretty tough... i never know it will be so heart breaking and so devastating when u lost the person u love... i learn at a very young age that when u lose someone u love so dearly, it will torn u apart and if you're not strong enough, you might end up losing your mind or maybe even worse...

i lost my mother when i was 9, she was having some difficulties while giving birth to my youngest brother, Soleh... after a week of my mother departure, Soleh follows her and he was place right beside my mother's grave... losing 2 people in less than 2 weeks, i thought im going crazy... the only thing that keeps me going is my mother's last words... i can still hear her tender soft voice, whispering to my ear before the neighbor rushed her to the hospital when she complained having a chest pain and can barely breath...

"look after your brothers and sisters... wait until i come home and dont fight among each other. take care of youself..." she kissed me on my forehead, touch my hand and that was the last time i see her smile... so precious, so vivid, breaks my heart whenever i think of it...

when they brought her body back to my house from the hospital, i just knew she will never smile to me again, never be able to touch me again... she never will come back, i kissed her for the last time before they brought her to the cemetery, her skin was so soft but cold... i cried, even now when im writing this down, i cried...

losing my mother was the biggest lose ever happen to me... i dont care much if somebody come to me crying and whining about losing their boyfriend, husband, kittens, puppies, money and fortune... i dont care much if you think im a cold blooded woman that have no feeling. that feeling has long gone... i will feel sorry if you lost the person you love, but dont expect my to cry with you... i just wont...

August