happy new year...

another 2 hours to go... tomorrow will be a brand new year. im sitting facing the window with my laptop with a perfect view of the Petronas Twin Tower... in 2 hours, there will be fireworks rocketing to the dark sky, with beautiful colors and pretty shapes... i love fireworks...

my parents are not around, they were in Ipoh since a week ago. only me, my 4 brothers and younger sister, preparing the foods, junk foods actually and we will be climbing this window in my room to sit on our kitchen's rooftop to watch the fireworks... as im growing older *ehem, 29 only...* and BIGGER, i will just enjoy the view from here, not gonna climb this freaking window frame... LOL!!

so many sweet memories, few unfortunate events, complete my 2010... life wouldnt be much interesting if we indulge only the good things, some risky and spontaneous actions will make it more colorful and worth to remember... owh, not too risky to the extend putting your life in danger... hehehe!!

well, have to head down to the kitchen and help my sister... happy new year 2011, may this year bring all us lot more happiness, prosperous and luck in our life and whatever the heck we're going to do... *kiss kiss, wink wink*

August

happy birthday grandpa...

hey you... yes you!! happy birthday grandpa!! okay, okay, happy belated birthday grandpa...

grow old gracefully ok... keep on smiling, you really look good when you smile and hope you'll have a wonderful birthday... Happy 32nd Birthday, even though you'll never know im wishing you well every single day and even though you'll never know im writing this for you... *kiss kiss*

my cutest ever grandpa with his birthday cake...

Happy 32nd Birthday!! Be Good!!

August

merry christmas!!

ho ho ho!! merry Christmas... i dont celebrate Christmas but i do enjoy the gift exchange and the dinner... LOL!! well, since i'll be working alone because my bosses have gone for a Christmas and new year holiday, im gonna a bit free next week. hope there will not much calls and emails coming in... anyway, Merry Christmas and happy holiday!! yay!!

now i wish everyday is Christmas...

August

stay or leave...

kinda confuse at the moment... i received few email from one of the biggest car manufacturing and also a manufacturer of parts for an oil & gas industry offering me jobs with, i can say a very good pay... but the thing is, i feel so comfortable with the work i have now. surrounded by nice people, even though i was seated right in front of my big boss's room and also in front of my manager, i never feel shackled at all... except that the room gets so cold my fingers turn blue, especially when its raining outside...

im torn apart... i love this job, but i can resist the offer... what should i do now? i do feel tired and under appreciate sometimes, but that was just temporary. been working here for almost 2 years, i feel so reluctant to leave and feel damn comfortable here... what should i do now? should i stay or should i leave?

long way to go, i know i'll be fine, i hope i will be fine, i really hope so... *smile*

August

extremely busy...

im gonna make this real short... i just woke up, drag myself of the bed, pushing myself into the shower, force myself to get dress *cant be naked to work right?*, need to focus on driving and sleep in the car till 7.30am... LOL!!

i barely have time for myself lately... its almost end of the year and i am extremely busy. dont even have time to rest my head on the desk and nap for 30minutes. im always out of the office, where else the 'authority office'... due to that, i even have to steal a little bit of my own time to write this... God, im exhausted!! anyway, need to clean my room, look at the clock 5.30am!! i dont wanna be late, hate the morning traffic.. chiao bella!! *wink, muaaahhhsss!!* LOL!!

August

emotions...

recently, my feeling is a mixture of everything... sometimes i feel so melancholic, sometimes i feel so free, mix with funny feeling inside, smile when i was thinking about all the happy thoughts, sad with a lil bit of anger...

i used to be a person that full of hates and anger... scolded my siblings, fight with friends, neighbors and everybody... when i grow older, im no longer an angry person, i mellow down and much more relax and calm... one thing that never change, im still selective in friendship, relationship... i never let anyone to easily enter my life, i pick and choose very carefully. i dont make friend to people who are too depending on others i dont make friends to blond with no brain, i dont make friend to people who are bossy and i dont make friend to people that is too lazy, sleeping all day and do nothing...

u will find me not smiling at all to any new staff who join the company, to a new classmate that sit just right next beside me or to my parent's friends who come to my house. if they dont start talking to me, just dont expect me to start the conversation because its not gonna happen...

being picky sometimes does give me an advantage. i dont get to join them gossiping, talking bad about others, involve in the stupid multi level business or wasting my time listening to their pointless talk which normally full of craps, especially from the girls... so sickening...

anyway, my emotions is a bit out of the track recently. glad weekend is just around the corner i need to take some rest, sleep and relax. i'll get better by Monday. sleeping is like a therapy, i will sleep whenever i feel so stress up, tired or depress... when i wake up the next day, everything will be fine. yeah, i will be fine, i know i will... what a relief...

August

losing the love ones...

its pretty tough... i never know it will be so heart breaking and so devastating when u lost the person u love... i learn at a very young age that when u lose someone u love so dearly, it will torn u apart and if you're not strong enough, you might end up losing your mind or maybe even worse...

i lost my mother when i was 9, she was having some difficulties while giving birth to my youngest brother, Soleh... after a week of my mother departure, Soleh follows her and he was place right beside my mother's grave... losing 2 people in less than 2 weeks, i thought im going crazy... the only thing that keeps me going is my mother's last words... i can still hear her tender soft voice, whispering to my ear before the neighbor rushed her to the hospital when she complained having a chest pain and can barely breath...

"look after your brothers and sisters... wait until i come home and dont fight among each other. take care of youself..." she kissed me on my forehead, touch my hand and that was the last time i see her smile... so precious, so vivid, breaks my heart whenever i think of it...

when they brought her body back to my house from the hospital, i just knew she will never smile to me again, never be able to touch me again... she never will come back, i kissed her for the last time before they brought her to the cemetery, her skin was so soft but cold... i cried, even now when im writing this down, i cried...

losing my mother was the biggest lose ever happen to me... i dont care much if somebody come to me crying and whining about losing their boyfriend, husband, kittens, puppies, money and fortune... i dont care much if you think im a cold blooded woman that have no feeling. that feeling has long gone... i will feel sorry if you lost the person you love, but dont expect my to cry with you... i just wont...

August

headache...

feeling slightly under the weather... i feel as if my head is gonna explode, especially the right side. body temperature is quite high, i know my nose gonna bleed soon. recently, the nose bleeding occur quite often... my sister suggested that i consult the doctor about it... but, i refused. apart from the headache and the bleeding nose, i feel just fine... maybe because i dont get enough sleep, too tired or just a normal stress...

i dont think it is something serious... everybody get headache, some with extra package like vomiting or effecting the eyesight, in my case nose bleeding. i will leave the office early today. sleep in the car for a couple of hours would be great... i cant be driving with this headache, i cant even walk properly...

well, have to get back to work... if this headache doesnt go away till tomorrow morning, i will see the doctor and take the medical leave...

August

little angel...

God, my mother called this morning... my sister, Angah who lives in Ipoh, Perak have gave birth to a baby girl... im so excited... both my sister and the baby are doing pretty awesome, both in good condition. i cant wait to see that little angel... according to my brother-in-law, Angah had been having some difficulties during the labor... i am freaking glad she manage to make it through...

i think my parents are going to drive all the from KL to Ipoh tonight... wish i can join them, but i have no more annual leave, like it or not, i have to stay and work and look after the house... *sigh*

well, this is the best news ever for this whole year... im so happy, feel like buying myself a Cadbury chocolate bar and eat it all by myself... LOL!! wonder how that little angel look like...

August

hey, miss me?

LOL!! im back... owh yeah im back... like it or not, im here. finally got my broadband and laptop back from my sister... she managed to buy her own computer. even though the laptop im having now isnt really the latest version, its actually a gift from my god father who live far away in California, US... so, it does means a lot to me regardless its an old laptop and only have one USB hub... LOL!!

so, here i am, will start writing all the craps again and read them myself again and again like a broken record!! LOL!! did i said im back?? yea?? hell yeah, im back!! LOL!! *this is what happen when you're under the influence of sugar from 2 mugs of coffee in an hour... hyperactive!!* sugar rush strikes again!!

August

engagement...

woohoo... i would like to congrats my brother for his engagement today!! i can see him sweating earlier and the ceremony was simple yet meaningful... love the 'hantaran', with green and gold theme color, everything look so glamor and fresh... i think  both of them will get married next year, my brother plan to do it on 11.11.2011... yeah, he really dig into things like that, that's why he chose this special date for his engagement day... anyway, congratulation dude!! i know u're happy with this girl... god bless both of u...

 

August

will be away...

hmmm, i wont be able to write until November. October will be a busy month. i need to settle few things... work is the main thing for now. i need to terminate my broadband that i have now. will go for the prepaid one, much more affordable. doesnt matter if its a little bit slow, i dont go to youtube much, so i dont see why i need too advance internet connection... the basic broadband would be good. but for now, i need to let go of this modem since my sister need to borrow it for her study. well, she needs it more than i do...

so, i will be back early November... hopefully. hell yeah, i'll be back in November... LOL!! i'll be back, bye for now...

August

self defense...

i cant sleep, almost 2am now... its weekend anyway, im not suppose to be sleeping early. after dinner, i just lock myself in my room, my friend Paul from Japan did called earlier. he's in KL and wanted to see me and chat over dinner, but i dont have to mood to drive and spend the evening out... lazy bone, yea, kinda lazy today... Paul told me that his friend Zach from Holand is in KL too. ok, maybe i'll see both of them tomorrow, they're going back to Japan on Monday morning.

anyway, i have a friend from Philippines who is currently residing in KL and run a self defense class. Aikido. i always love Aikido. not that i dont know how to defense myself, i did attend a thai kickboxing class for 3 months while doing my diploma in the North. but, it was just a basic class, learn how to hit, punch, kick and that's all... i quit during my final semester to concentrate on my study. i dont want to come back and repeat the paper. its all maths and i just hate it...

he did invited me to see the training and see whether i want to join, but the thing is, i just dont have enough time to do it... kinda occupied with works, things at home, spending time with my nieces and nephews stuff like that... Aikido sounds good, i really have to think about it... maybe i'll join the class next year. hopefully... yeah, hopefully...

August

what were you thinking?

okay, im gonna sound angry today... i was in a deep sleep since it is almost 3 in the morning when my phone rang... i quickly pick it up but soon after i click on the answering button, the caller just hang up... here's the thing, i have problem to sleep. not like some people, i need to be on bed at least an hour before my bed time to allow me to roll on my bed, let my mind wander before i finally get to sleep... i cant just put my head on the pillow and sleep after 5minutes...

so, this caller, whoever she/he is, called again and the same thing happen, hang up when i pick it up... last thing you want to do is to disturb me when im sleeping, i extremely HATE it... owh, i forgot to put this one on my hate list before... anyway, 4 calls and the caller never talk... finally, a text message came in sounds like this "hi Ann, sorry for the missed calls. its me, Andre. what are you doing right now?" i dont recognize the number, never see it before, never have a friend name Andre and im not Ann for heaven sake...

God knows how angry i am... i wish i can grab this guy and pull him inside a pond full with piranhas...based on the anger, i type a message to this idiot, "its almost 3am. what are u expecting me to do? do interview with Oprah? get a life, people trying to sleep here!! and im not ANN!!" click on the send button and struggle to sleep again...

he didnt reply which is good, because if he did, im gonna track him down and really feed him to the piranhas... so, my advice here, dont call or text people 3 o'clock in the morning and ask them what they are doing.. its plain stupid and im 95% sure its not gonna end up in a good way...

August

things i hate...

let me think, there are few things in this world that i hate, maybe i'll say things i like less, sounds more appropriate... i cant really list down all of them, here's some of it... when i say some, i really mean some... LOL!!

+ late for appointment
+ late for work
+ messy hand writing
+ dirty plates, mugs, spoons, etc in the hand wash basin
+ people who dont listen when i talk
+ untidy paperwork
+ traffic congested
+ blood sucking creatures, bed bugs
+ hot weather
+ no ice cube in the freezer
+ disrespectful
+ repeated mistakes despite doing the same thing so many times
+ not knocking on the door when obviously there's a door
+ stupid answer for easy/simple question
+ lame excuses
+ noise when im on the phone
+ veges
+ stupid jokes
+ medicines
+ blackout, im afraid of dark
+ not answering calls
+ misunderstand
+ betrayer
+ slow internet connection
+ plain white milk, powder milk

hmmm, these are just the main things i can remember for now... i will list down things i like/love soon... LOL!! this is fun, i dont even realize there are so many things i hate in life... LOL!! roger and out!!

August

Get Up, Dress Up & Show Up...

im back to work today, after a long Raya break... hmmm, wish to lay back on the bed for a little longer this morning, but have to drag myself up, take the shower and head to the office... not much car on the road, the traffic flow is great and im singing along with the rock tune on my radio while driving. i remember one of the quote on that paper my boss pasted on our pantry's wall, No Matter How You Feel, Get Up, Dress Up and Show Up...

uggghhhh, well F*ck Up!! i dont really fancy an email from the HR department asking me why i didnt show up and requesting me to fill up the leave form and state a reason why i was on MIA... well, i never did that before in any company i have work with... if i dont feel like working, i'll just text the office saying im on emergency. or else, i'll start rubbing my eyes or stuck my head in the freezer for 5minutes and i'll get the temporary flu symptom that any doctor in the world will definitely grant me a medical leave... hey, nothing is wrong right? i am sick at the time i see the doctor, even though its temporary, right? LOL!!

ya ya, bla bla... its not a good thing to do, but when u dont feel like working, your presence in the office will just be meaningless and tiring. u dont really work, all u do is just pretending to be working by staring at the laptop and clicking on the mouse for 8 freaking hours... i cant even sit still for 15minutes, how do you expect me to stare on the laptop for 8hours?

on top of all this, here i am, in my office, writing and sipping on my coffee, my dictionary and client's file are wide open, i do look like im damn busy... LOL!! hey boss, i did get up, dress up and show up today... happy now?? LOL!!

August

Selamat Hari Raya...

its Raya time... yay!! not super excited about it plus feel a bit awkward eating during the day time after 30days of fasting... i woke up around 7am this morning, have my coffee and help my mother in the kitchen... after the Raya prayer, i know people will start coming to my house. we did prepared lots of extra food for the guests... ordered hundreds of satay from the famous Satay Haji Samuri... yummy!!

i dont have a kampung, Kuala Lumpur is my kampung... when most of the KL clan were busy planning their trip back to their hometown, i was busy planning with my brothers and sisters where to go for the Raya holiday. normally we just go to Genting or just hang out somewhere chit chatting and talking craps and laugh at those stupid jokes we made... this year we dont have any plan, im back at my parents place, we will just go and visit our relatives and spend the day with play station and computer gaming... tomorrow we are going to have a BBQ, ordered the marinated lamb and chiken from Giant hypermarket in Batu Caves... i dont realy like lamb, chicken is more to my liking. LOL!!

anyway, it feels good to be home... Selamat Hari Raya!!

August

breakfast in Kampung Baru...

few days left for this Ramadhan to end... im going to wait till the very last day to do my shopping. its gonna be simple. just one baju kurung for me since i already have 2 baju kedah which i made a month before Ramadhan started.. well, i already wore them to work actually... cant wait for 2 months to wear them. LOL!!

since im already back to my parents home, even not permanent, im more close with my youngest sister... so, i was thinking to get a new baju kurung and a new handbag for my step mother (i actually call her mother). i bought new shoes for both my parents... i know my dad was so happy when he got it, because he keep the shoes in the closet and i saw him smiling. but he just act stiff in front of me, well as long as i now he's happy im fine... no need any thank you, a smile is more than enough...

im going to pick up my two brothers and sister this evening... we're going to breakfast in one of the western restaurant in Kampung Baru. i've made the reservation and i cant wait to go there... the food is cheap yet taste good...

Aidilfitri this year is gonna be different... i hope its gonna be as great when i was younger. i hope everybody will celebrate it with a smile and i hope i can keep on smiling for the rest of my life because i know things will be good. not gonna be easy but i will make sure its gonna happen the way it suppose to be long time ago...

August

returning home...

well, to be honest, i live with a family that doesnt have any blood relation with me... not my brothers, not my sisters, those little kids, not really my nephews and nieces... i knew them since 2001. it all started when i was doing my industrial training during my 3rd semester in local tech college further north... since then, i keep on coming back to them and this is a place that i call home...

the lady that i've been calling IBU (which mean mother) wasnt really my mother and was just 5 years older than me. when i first met her, she was holding a baby carrier with a 3months old baby girl sleeping so blissful in it... now that little girl already turn 9 and she have another 3siblings... IBU and her husband run an electrical engineering company and there is where i do my training and also the place i got my first job...

IBU and the entire family member, from grandma, to aunts and uncles, to relatives far away in Kelantan and her siblings treated me so nice and wonderful... they make me feel like i belong to the family. been almost 10years and i can say that i am so grateful for having them in my life...

to be honest... i dont really have a good relationship with my own father. when my mother passed away, i was just 9 years old. being a second wife, my mother doesnt really mix around with the neighbors to avoid them from asking so many questions. when she died, i was kinda lost... my dad brought the first wife to stay in our house together with her 4 kids... i have 6 siblings. 10 children in one tiny house with 2 rooms, i force myself to learn how to share and not to be so demanding... my step mother doesnt really favor me since i look exactly like my mother only that im much taller...

i go to school everyday pretending like nothing happen... hardly change my school uniform. i learn how to clean, to cook and to babysit as early as 10 years old. during school holidays, i help my aunts to look after my younger cousins, and she will brought me to the mall and bought me new school uniforms, shoes, stationery for me to use. but i normally share the new pencils, eraser and all the stuff i got with my younger brothers and sisters...

life wasnt easy for me... but im glad i manage to make it through. got into so much troubles but i never avoid them, i tried as best as i can to deal with it... been away from my own home for almost 6years, that's how long i havent seen my father and my step mother... i did saw my brothers and sisters few times in a year. i heard from one of my brother, my father wasnt really well, heart problem... i just nodded and didnt say anything...

its about time for me to go back to where i come from, to a place i belong... it might make everybody feel so awkward for my sudden return but this Syawal, im going to celebrate it with my parents and siblings. let my father scold me, yell and hit me if he wish to, but im returning home... im returning home...

August

blogging is a trend...

blog isn't new to me... it started becoming a trend since many years ago. i have been blogging since the past few years. but this is the first time im using blogspot... i was on blogdrive before and had brought some of my posts there to this new blog... i dont have much time to bring all the entries, so i just took the latest 4 months writing i've made and paste them here...

i made few friends through blogging... hang out and had few gatherings... but, as the time pass, we get busy with our life, work, classes for those who's still studying, the friendship seems to be forgotten. some of them went overseas and some just dissapear. not to mention, some just dont catch my interest to keep them for a long time in my friends list.

owh i still remember we even had Blogging Idol, but obviously i wasnt even qualified to participate in the competition... LOL!!

above all, i really miss writing... i decided to write again. not for audience, not to grab readers attention to my direction, just want to write...  what the heck, im writing and will keep on doing so until i get sick of it... LOL!!

August

happy independence day Malaysia...

hey, happy independence day Malaysia... since its a fasting month and im not so keen to join the crowd outside, i will just stay put at home and maybe visit my friend Shaun. been a while since the last time i met her... need to catch up and share all the gossips, news about things happen in the office, my previous company and people we both know... hmmm, maybe we'll go somewhere to breakfast later in the evening...  yup yup, bla bla... got to go now...

HAPPY 53RD INDEPENDENCE DAY MALAYSIA!!

special day...

this is gonna be the shortest blog entry ever... what's so special about today? try guess? nope? give up? no clue? just dont like guessing? sucks at guessing? hahaha!! nevermind, let me reveal it... today is special because it is Friday and tomorrow is Saturday... been a long week and i cant wait to go home, sleep late, watch the repeated NCIS, CSI, Criminal Mind episodes till dawn and wake up late... its Friday and that makes today so special to me!! GOTCHA!! hahaha... have a good weekend...

August

view from my window...

it is a fine morning... not quite sure why i feel so relax and easy this morning. woke up at the exact same time 5.30am and had a cold shower which i really enjoy... talking about cold shower, i really love it... especially when i got home after work, after going through the madness congestion of traffic. anyway, i  love that cold feeling when i touch my skin after every shower. so comfortable, so nice and just perfect to snuggle under the blanket with my bolster and call the night off...

anyway, i look outside my window this morning and kinda knock my head off... i never appreciate this view before. the whole view of Kampung Baru. people walking around, vehicles building up on the road trying to squeeze into the city center. i can see the river flowing, or is it a big drain not quite sure... the cloud is pretty dark and i think its gonna rain soon... cold morning, i love it. it's still 8 o'clock in the morning and i have another 30minutes to indulge the view from my window before i start the day with my first coffee for today...

August

hey birthday girl...

this is a special day... i never celebrate it, not even once in my life. not that i hate it, but i just dont like to blow candles that show how long i've been breathing on this grand earth... age is just a number... hahaha! that's just a quote to soothe myself realizing that im hitting the big number 29 today... well, i cant run, i cant hide too... the day will still come running after me... owh!!

happy birthday August...

blogging again...

owh yeah... im doing the damn blogging again. obviously i've been blogging way before you guys even know how to work on your shoelace... i know my english isnt the best in town, but who cares... u hate it, u may leave... i dont write for you to read, i write because i feel like writing... got it? yup yup...

so, bla bla bla... that's all for the first entry... im glad to be able to blog again. im glad im back... roger and out!!

August